A work of fiction based on the news...

I had to laugh out loud when I heard Janet Napolitano on NPR this morning saying that if they had closed the schools it meant that you should keep your children at home. I am not in an area that has closed schools but I imagine protests from parents and conversations with their teenagers that go something like this…

Parent to self: “Sure Janet…I’ve told my teenager… “DON’T SMOKE...it will give you lung cancer, it smells AND it’s expensive; DON’T DRINK AND DO DRUGS...you’ve seen your Uncle, the reasons why should be obvious; USE CONDOMS...look at your cousin. Yes, I know the baby is cute, that’s beside the point.”

...Now you want me to tell them not to leave the house because school is closed...

Parent to teenager: “No. You can’t go out. The schools are closed because of the SWINE FLU outbreak. I don’t care if your boyfriend’s parents are letting him leave the house. Maybe they want him to get Swine Flu (maybe I want him to get Swine Flu). No, I have to go to work. Swine flu won’t pay the mortgage. Yes, you can eat the frozen pizza with bacon. No, I don’t think the bacon is from Egypt; you’re doing well in your current events class then? Can you go out if you take the recycling to the Mart? (Hmmm...Clean garage? Swine flu? Clean garage? Swine flu??? Hmmmm.) Yes, BUT BUY SOME FACE MASKS WHILE YOU’RE THERE! And some Sharpies. You and your friends can decorate them and show them to your art teacher when school starts up again.”

Sorry, I don't mean to laugh. But failing economy, swine flu, teenagers...as they say, laughter is the best medicine.