Waves of grief

I'm sort of moved into my new little house with the purple door and wood floors. I'm am still caught off guard by the grief that staggers me from time to time. It comes in the unpacking, the contemplation of buying a new sofa and with the understanding that Mark is very much moving on. He is in a place I've been before. I'm not there now. I can't even really begin to contemplate dating. I've signed up for one online dating site but I have no idea what I would say to anyone about anything. It isn't a surprise that Mark and I are not on the same page with moving on. We have never achieved any kind of synchronicity. I am sad. I don't have the insulation of having to rear children either. I don't even have a dog. And I'm a bit lost. I've always seen a clear path before me. Probably because there were fewer choices. I feel like the ability to go to graduate school has been stolen from me.

So, what now...

More tears, I'm sure. Also, a new shower curtain, a couple of new dishes, a new sofa soon and a trip to California.



In the meantime, the cat and I have a new view.