Careful what you call it

I have few readers but just removed 12 junk comments.  I changed the title of the last blog post perhaps to help.  One day, not soon, I will put a filter on the blog so you can type in weird words to determine your humanity.

I am so glad tomorrow is March 1st.

Ode to a cold

I have many, many hours of sick leave. I really just do not get colds very often. But when I do, I get a good one. On Thursday, my body overcame my general willfulness to be the person who doesn’t get sick and on Sunday, I am still sick. There does seem to be an edge of wellness creeping up.

I have read a book, We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson. I watched 7 episodes of Glee, I watched Mulan, twice, and Kung Fu Panda 2 once. I have eaten three cans of chicken noodle soup, homemade vegetable soup, a Filet O Fish sandwich, mint Milano cookies and a Preacher’s Parfait from the Merc. I have drank over 64 ounces of water, numerous cups of tea and a couple of grapefruit juice and vodkas. I have ingested much Vitamin C in various forms.

And I have blown my nose.

This fabulous box of Puffs, my tissue of choice, was 2/3 full on Thursday morning.

I am now going to look online for poetry dedicated to the cold.

a cat in a window

I struggle with self-discipline. Here are good reasons why (justifications?):

1. I attended 20 elementary schools, K-6

2. I might have Attention Deficit Disorder

3. See 2 & 3

I am not lazy. Based on my career experience, I know this is true. I work very hard and am successful enough.

I am looking for good suggestions on how to create one area, outside of work and dental hygiene, in which I can successfully be self-disciplined.

Here is a picture of my Aunt and Uncle's cat in Mississippi.

Happy second week of January 2012.

Hello 2012 - or Is that really someone else's title that I like or am I just a copy cat with no true opinions of my own?

Welcome to 2012. I have started the year. I ate carrot cake for breakfast and finished reading Tina Fey's Bossypants, which I recommend. I love to laugh out loud and this is a perfect book for that. You don't have to have watched SNL or 30 Rock to enjoy it. (Sorry Tina, I've actually never seen much of your work but I love your book!)

Last year sucked. Last year was also really great. No matter how bad life gets, I am NEVER very far from a place of complete gratitude for my life as it is. That gratitude, on occasion, manifests itself as joy. (Joy is always appropriately ephemeral – too much joy means you are off your meds.)

2011 was the year in which I finally thought to ask, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!” Out loud, without trying to change all of the elements of the situation and without trying to change my part of the situation. I just have watched, felt and wondered. I had many moments when all I could think about was Julie Roberts' character in Runaway Bride trying out different kinds of eggs to see which ones she likes. But that character is in her 30s at the latest. And I know what kind of eggs I like BUT WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE? I mean, REALLY?!?! I am writing this blog because my best friend Mary Beth started writing a blog. Hers is actually well-written, and even better, well read. And she started to write it in part because she liked to write and keep journals but did not want to prater on about herself like I am doing now. I've decided it will be ok though. It's like finding out which eggs I like but on a much larger scale, like what do I like to EVERYTHING. (Also, Mary Beth - hi! - is the only person who reads this consistently and I might need feedback.)

In 2011, in part because someone very dear to me kept saying to "look for patterns," I noticed lots of patterns. Bad patterns. Generational patterns. Scary generational patterns. It was like a few years ago, when trying on jeans at a store that has those three way mirrors, I saw my mother’s butt in the mirror. Which was really frightening because my mother was 150 miles away. I do not care for said patterns anymore than I care for said butt that, it turns out belongs, TO ME. It's not my fault, I couldn't see it and had no idea what was going on behind me. That is not necessarily true of these other patterns.

I have also been positively validated this year; that I have made many good decisions, raised amazing children, have worked very hard at my job and have contributed to my community.

2011 taught me that I am now a fully, fledged grown-up, who is still capable of making mistakes. (One day I will explain why it has taken me until I am 46 to feel like a full-fledged grown-up. I actually think I have even made this same statement before on this very blog. I am going to start to categorize the blogs. "Grown-up Now!" is going to be a category.)

In 2012 I will embrace the grown-up puzzle. I won’t finish it. I have too much ADD and lack impulse control. (This is also why this might be my first and last 2012 blog post.) But in 2012 when I move around the puzzle pieces and I put together two pieces that don’t fit, attempt to make them fit, look embarrassingly way from their stuck together awkwardness and then leave the puzzle for an unspecified too long of time, I will forgive myself. I will ACKNOWLEDGE that I made a mistake, realize that it is ok and move on.

2012 resolution and 2011 pictures

I am going to upload some of my favorite California pictures. Even though they are about 6 months old, I have a lot of good ones. These are all about the girls including Faith's 18th birthday. Love these ladies!

My goals for 2012 are simple-get caught up, do more and move on. To do that I will be spending less money, more time traveling, more blogging, doing something more with the pictures I take and using the sewing machine I got from my mother for Christmas.

Happy 2012

I'm back

It's been awhile I know.

Tonight I read something I wrote recently. I actually really liked it. It isn't for public consumption though.

And, while I don't have a lot to say tonight, I think I will try to take a few minutes each day to, in fact, write something.

In the meantime, here are two links: one to something I read that resonated with me and one to a blog Mary Beth (see older posts, or Hi MB, as you are my only reader at them moment anyway) introduced me to. I really like the post about their recent visit to the river. And pictures of course! I took them.

1) Resonated with me.

2) A new blog I read often

Pictures

Happy doesn't always mean life is great

Let me start by saying (and I feel like I often start blog posts with this sentence) I am happier than I have ever been. My life is coming together in many ways. I love my job, I am enjoying and thriving in my romantic life. My children are absolutely amazing. And I truly have great support in my life. My mom is recovering from surgery though. So I am feeling a bit grumpy. She was diagnosed a little over a month ago with a Craniopharyngioma. The surgery went well but recovery is slow. And I am bored. I am not good at making use of downtime. Perhaps a blog post is in order but I really feeling like I'm so negative that despite all of my happiness, I don't want to write a blog post. None-the-less, here it is.

Perhaps later I will whine in more detail.

Fabulous Flea Market Purchases!

I had such fun at the flea market. It is about 90 miles from Lawrence near the Nebraska border. There are actually two, one in White Cloud which is where we were headed and then one in Sparks which is where we ended up making most of our purchases.

White Cloud used to boast that it had the largest flea market. But it is hilly and the aging population among flea market goers makes the Sparks location, much flatter, the more popular of the two now.

These are the items I came home with ~

When I am in California I enjoy the benefit of Mary Beth's orange trees and fresh orange juice. My favorite part is eating the remaining orange after the juice has been squeezed out. Her juicer is much simpler but I was pleased to find this little counter top model - Juice O Mat.

The Pocket Pig holds dimes. I'm going to use it to keep change in my car for the parking meters in downtown Lawrence. The little bowl is metal, light blue with a dark blue rim. The larger bowl, the most expensive purchase at $15, is a Pyrex bowl with a delightful design of roosters, wheat and an "Amish" farm couple.

I also purchased (well, it was all bought for me actually, making it even better!) a small blue glass jar. It had a lid but it was cracked so I didn't even cart it home. And three more Pyrex pieces, a small, traditional brown bowl; a pink casserole dish with lid and a teal blue (color of the day I guess) container with lid divided into two sections. It is a little deeper than this one.

The pictures are taken with my BlackBerry. They are pretty good photos; my constant complaint being that the BlackBerry is a good camera, a good calendar and good at a lot except being a phone. It is not a good phone. Right now I don't have easy access to downloading pictures so there is also the added benefit that if I use my BlackBerry, I can email them to myself.

The flea market takes place twice a year and I am already excited about going in September. (That said, I am still downsizing and there will be fewer rather than more purchases!)

Wait for it...

I went to the flea market yesterday! I have new goodies. I will post pictures soon!

Anna

Anna and I had dinner together at Hy-Vee the other night. She is a delightful, if not challenging adult daughter. I had fun taking these pictures with my cell phone.

For Dieter and Rainer

Dear Dieter and Rainer,

I hope you are enjoying your advent calendar. I have one too.

Lawrence has lots of fun things to do at Christmas. This Saturday I am going to a Christmas parade. And EVERY YEAR Santa crashes on the roof of the Weaver's Department store here in Lawrence. He did it again last Friday! Can you believe it? The Fire Department had to come with their ladder truck and get him down. This year I took a picture with my camera phone so I could share it with you.





Hope you are having a fun Christmas season!

Kansas is very beautiful

I've been seeing lots of the Kansas countryside recently. And based on my previous experience, I would have told you that it was sort of dull. But I now know that it is in fact very beautiful and amazingly diverse.


This is a photo of Pomona Lake. It is a great photo except that it really was more sunny than the photo shows. I walked along the rocks from just beyond that point all the way to the ramp. I was very proud of myself when I actually saw what I had done.

Fall

These pictures were taken from a place called Four States Lookout in White Cloud, KS. It's one of my new favorite places.

Let's hear it for balloon rides

What a very fabulous thing, even if you skip the actual balloon ride.

Here's my kudos to romance and longevity - Happy 60th Anniversary to my Aunt Dot & Uncle Thad and to Mary & Jack Davidson.

Maybe, just maybe, there is hope for me.

The boy I love right now

I am in one of my very favorite places again. Last night Deiter told Mary Beth "I love you mommy and I love your friend too." There is nothing more pure than the love of a 4 year old boy.


Equally enjoyable is his toddler brother, the most articulate 2 year old I've ever met.

Waves of grief

I'm sort of moved into my new little house with the purple door and wood floors. I'm am still caught off guard by the grief that staggers me from time to time. It comes in the unpacking, the contemplation of buying a new sofa and with the understanding that Mark is very much moving on. He is in a place I've been before. I'm not there now. I can't even really begin to contemplate dating. I've signed up for one online dating site but I have no idea what I would say to anyone about anything. It isn't a surprise that Mark and I are not on the same page with moving on. We have never achieved any kind of synchronicity. I am sad. I don't have the insulation of having to rear children either. I don't even have a dog. And I'm a bit lost. I've always seen a clear path before me. Probably because there were fewer choices. I feel like the ability to go to graduate school has been stolen from me.

So, what now...

More tears, I'm sure. Also, a new shower curtain, a couple of new dishes, a new sofa soon and a trip to California.



In the meantime, the cat and I have a new view.

My new life

While I'm in California, I get to actually take time to think about what is to come.

Here is the front door of the new house I've rented. I move-in August 1st.






















When I moved I went through a mountain of paper, 26 years worth. I'm sending out the address of my new life on postcards made from the cards of my past.



Recycling at its best.

One of my very favorite places

At my friend Mary Beth's, soaking up the love!

And drinking GOOD coffee!

My 4th of July Weekend

I cannot begin to express how difficult the last eight weeks have been. I have experienced a sorrow that I didn't think possible. A couple of weeks ago, I put off my much needed California vacation I was planning for this weekend and agreed to accompany my mom, whose 70th birthday is Monday, to Colorado to visit her best friend from high school. I think it is going to turn out okay though. My mom and I had a great drive down and it is absolutely beautiful and peaceful here. These are a few pictures of the back patio area that I've taken with my laptop.
I'll post more photos later.

Lois Gunter 1915-2009

Mark's grandmother, Lois Gunter, died today. She was 94. Here is a picture of her and PA (Preston Albert, died 1990) on their 50th anniversary. Lois welcomed me from day one into her family. I think it is part of what maintained me during hard times over many years. I will miss her very much.